So we’re re-defining words these days. Who started that, huh? And are we re-defining all the words or just some of them? Is there a Re-defining Words Clearinghouse or are we permitted to re-define at will? Is there a form we should fill out and are we free to proceed and re-define various and sundry or any and every word as we please?

I certainly hope someone out there has the answer to these pressing and urgent questions. I feel an urge to re-define some things myself. Things like, Low-fat. I think I’ll re-define that to mean, “Has absolutely no taste at all except that resembling cardboard.” Or here’s one I’ve been waiting to re-define: “Senior Discount”. I’ve been wanting to change that to “Everybody pays very fair and extremely low price for absolutely everything each and every day for the rest of our lives!” Now we’re re-defining the important stuff!

Hey, if “rocks” and “trees” can be defined as “persons” and “human fetuses” cannot, then I figure I ought to be able to re-define anything I want to whenever I want to. I’ll post more when I think of some. Why stop at re-defining? Why not just make up words retail? (Usually the word there is “wholesale” but I just re-defined them both.) I need some more shlinglethorpe. That’s a word I made up for coffee, which I’m going to go get now, here at my favorite shlinglethorpe shop.